Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
