As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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