maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
