i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Define "chronic" masturbator.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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