dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
