the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ttyl tear gas
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
