Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
