I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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