I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
