i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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