My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
