Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize