If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
