Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
