he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize