Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize