I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
