I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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