how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
