she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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