he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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