I think I died a long time ago.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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