I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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