FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
