This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
