My friends, they love my intelligence
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
