The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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