Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
