she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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