What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
