If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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