those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
