shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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