Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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