I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
