Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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