I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
