tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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