dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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