I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
