The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
