the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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