Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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