shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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