Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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