you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
