Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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