If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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