the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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