My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
