so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
