and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
