Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
