wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This baby is an asshole
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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