Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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