hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
