dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
