If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
