the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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