wakey wakey hands off snakey
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
