I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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