no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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