Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
