I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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