If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
